Thanks very much Adriana for creating this topic.
And well done Christina making it all work. Fully agree with you that the priority is to start taking care of ourselves first; only then we would be able to be a good partner and also a good parent. And kids do have the capacity to adjust to everything.
In relation to me, parenting occupies much of my current focus. Using all techniques learned form the NLP trainings and the APEPs I have really taken care of myself and done the work to be where I want to be. and create the life that I want. My goal is to learn, grow, and evolve on a daily basis and I am doing that.
Parenting, on the other side is something I haven’t figured out yet. Have gone through different steps in the last years and this is my current state of mind:
First, some background; originally from Chile, have been in the New York area working and living for almost the last 20 years. Divorced, and father of two boys, ages 14 (Sebastian) and 9 (Lucas). Sebastian is a very sensitive and emotionally connected kid and currently with some issues related to anxiety (of death or anything related to that to be precise). Lucas has been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism Level 1 (previously labeled Asperger’s Syndrome), very High Anxiety and with many Sensory Integration issues since birth. Also, we have very different parenting styles with their Mom as I am trying to create rules and boundaries and consequences and she has a co-dependency relationship with them, specially with the younger one. I mostly see them in their Mom’s house, however I am starting to get more one on one time with each of them and having some sleepovers at my place more often.
So here are some of my discoveries or conclusions so far:
It has been hard for me to find the equilibrium between my parent responsibility and their right for taking their own decisions. The NLP concept of when a client is a client. Both kids have been reluctant to face their challenges and prefer to be in a state of avoidance. Lately, Sebastian has been little more open for my help and advice as he has had some panic attack episodes he didn’t like at all. But he is still reluctant to believe that NLP or HST really works, as he is very analytical and rational and this is “weird stuff” for him.
There is also the issue about boundaries, something that I am very aware of and fully respect as I have learned the key importance they have in our lives. So even knowing many techniques that could help them, I have been extremely careful in not using them unless they ask for help or I convince them first and get their permission. Maybe they need to face these challenges and overcome them in their life journey. There would be the right time, right place to address them.
Another thing that I discovered in the process is that the best way to help them is not through telling them, or showing them what to do. By far the most effective way is by leading by the example. Taking care of my own issues, and show them I take full responsibility of the things I have to work on and doing the work. If I improve myself and they see it and they witness the positive changes I am creating for myself, eventually they will want that same positive change for themselves and approach me.
Would love to hear other parent’s stories and ideas or feedback.
Sending you all love and positive energy
Alejandro