You say: “I decide I need to “get organized” and start planning. There are so many things that I want to do that I create an impossible gauntlet schedule for myself.”
Solution: prioritize better. Many things everything we want to do we don’t get to do. The point is to always do whats most important on that list (read what’s in your values – thus herein lies the solution – change your values so they represent what you want opt achieve).
Also you can really do this. take 3 stacks of 3/5 index cards. On one put whats important – this is numbered 3. On the next one put what’s reaaaaally important – this is numbered 2. And on the third one put what’s Oh S**********t! Must do now, or else! this is numbered 1.
You’ll see that by the time you’re done with stack one and part of stack two, stack three becomes meaningless. 🙂
You say: “I promptly burn myself out and rebel against the schedule, going back to my perceiverly ways and work on what I want to in the moment. Now granted, what I do end up doing is usually something productive–I am constantly working on SOMETHING–but not necessarily the thing I originally set out to work on. Kind of like this post right now!”
Solution: More efficient time management. I have plenty to do every day as you can imagine, and I allocate 1-2 hours for the forum depending on the questions. Allocate time for everything and stick to that time management. Cut out everything that does not let you get to the most important goals you set for yourself for the day.
You say: “Probably I’m being hard on myself because that’s part of the pattern too… set unrealistic expectations and then feel inadequate/frustrated when I don’t achieve them.”
Solution: You most likely are hard on yourself but this is one of the prerequisites of high achievers, as well. That’s not the problem. The problem is with setting goals and the PATIENTLY and in an organized fashion working towards them. Daily goals. Chunk down to daily goals. It’s the action and the fashion you take that action that makes things happen. Wanting to want something (as you know) does not equal really wanting and DOING everything it takes to make those things happen. Adam I know you know all these things. Out of all the people in the world I know you do.
You say: “Another big part that ties into all this in sleep. I haven’t been able to get myself on a regular sleep schedule. That’s part of my rebellion against myself… if I can’t get the time to do the stuff I want to do during the day, or not enough of it, I’ll stay up late to work on fun things. Then I wake up late and my whole rhythm gets thrown off, which wastes tons of time and energy.”
Solution: I have the same problem. not enough time for all I want to do. But there must be a balance between what you “must” do, and what pleases your soul. What you want to do! So again time organization to fit both. and some days there will be more of “must do” and less of what you want to do and others the other way around. What’s the absolute cut-off time you must go to sleep to be functional the next day? Hard to say. In the training season for me is 9:30. Now that I am not training, it can be as late as 10:30 although I know I function much better with 9:30… but I am a little more relaxed as if need comes, (and rarely does) I can afford a little nap at lunch time. Sometimes that’s possible, sometime it’s not. but I know that there is a price to pay for being undisciplined with my sleep. And then I fit research which is one of my absolute values for reasons too long to discuss here, in the morning as I am able to wake up earlier and be very refreshed if I go to bed earlier. so I am not giving up what I love to do, and what’s important to me, but I am shifting time around to fit all and be well.
You say: “So I keep finding that when I set aside time to do something, when the time comes I want to do something different.”
Solution: So make up your mind especially if what you want to do is really important. If it’s not, no big deal! Or if it can be postponed (realistically) then don’t fret about it. It’s that dreaded word : discipline.
SOLUTION for to do next. And it’s ALL about values. Incongruency and incoherence in your values. and maybe away froms. But most likely incongruency and therefore conflicts.
Elicit you values in all areas of life, figure out conflicts (MP manual), do TLT or HST (since you are an APEP graduate), Integrate the parts with the conflicts. Then look in between areas of life for values that conflict with each other. It is possible that one area conflicts with another, or values in one areas conflict with some values on another. Integrate conflicts here too. and don’t go for what i want now. that’s the UM trowing a fit. the UM needs to listen and be guided by the CM. hint: look at No.6 in your APEP daily meditations – who is guiding the UM? the UM will always go for what it wants NOW. but that does not mean it should be that way. UM needs to be trained correctly. by the CM. Lovingly but firmly. It is also one of the presuppositions of the UM.
You say: “So being a perceiver gives me the flexibility to “go with the flow.” Plus I don’t know what opportunities or fires might pop up that I will have to or want to react to, so making a plan feels too restrictive… I feel like a slave to my own schedule that I set… talk about incongruent! HELP!!!
Solution: I don’t know why you have an equal sign between missing opportunities and being a non-perceiver (i.e. through time) where there is none.
Really! You can be a thinker or a perceiver at any time according to the momentary needs. The idea that you must be this or that only is binary, dichotomous, and not useful. Be a through timer when you need to, and a perceiver – in timer when you want to. Take advantage of those opportunities that will come nevertheless when it serves your momentary need or goals or values. Or write it down and do it later. That’s what I do. If I don’t have time in the moment, I write it down to remember or make a reminder and act on it later. Hours later or even days later. It seems to work just fine.
You say:
“I have tried changing the direction of my timeline but it doesn’t seem to want to stay there… probably parts involved as well.”
Yep. incongruence and secondary gain, “I want to do what I want to do now and not what I “should” or “must” or “have to” do.” I read this as rebellion against authority by the UM even if it comes form your own CM. Be kinder to your UM and train him well. It will cooperate, I promise, but with kindness and love. So, Adam here is a really tough question: do you love and respect yourself enough?
You say: “I hope this isn’t going in my control file… ?”
LOL