Thank you Adriana and Arabella for your thoughts. These are along the lines of what we v came up with, as I was thinking and discussing with a MPractitioner friend.
So if the mismatching is usually ok but maybe is a problem in the relationship context: Ex: I wake up thinking “I’d love to do yoga this morning. so I ask my girl friend, “do you want to go for a run or maybe do some yoga?” then she says “Yoga sounds great.” to which I reply, “Yea but I feel like I could use a run today..” without even thinking. Then I realize it was nothing more than an unconscious mismatch that I didn’t even mean. How do I now admit that I secretly want to do yoga??— ok just kidding because at this point I realize “wait I didn’t mean that I’d love some yoga.” That’s kind of (at first cute but) ultimately annoying for all of us concerned. I feel like there is a mismatching monkey in my head sometimes.
For me so far the best solution is awareness and noticing. Meditation helps and just healthy conscious thinking, and being present instead of in my head or somewhere else.
Am I correct to remember that you can change a judger to a perceiver by adjusting their timeline from through time to in time? But there isn’t any simple fix for changing to match or mismatch for a specific context? I would say the best solution if this is a problem, is to change the strategy and insert a step to consider the “flip side” before mailing a decision or reaction?
I definitely notice it is a decision. If I am listening to a speaker I really admire, I sometimes find myself matching everything at first, if I am looking to find agreement. but in normal life and in normal social settings I am not necessarily trying to be agreeable so.. basically for now I will let people know life will generally work better if you see things my way.. ha only kidding
– OK and maybe I’ll also work to be a bit more conscious and thoughtful in my communication 🙂
thanks all!!
-J